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- 9 Things to Do If Your Wife Is Cheating
- Reasons Why Married People Cheat
An affair is more often a "transitional" partner for the woman as a way to end the relationship. She is seriously looking to leave to her marriage and this other person helps her do just that. That's not to say that sexual satisfaction isn't a primary driver of affairs for wives as well as husbands. In one study of men and women who were actively pursuing or involved in extramarital affairs, both genders said they were hoping to improve their sex lives—because they felt their primary relationship was lacking between the sheets.
The general rule is that it takes two to tango, or in this case, to mess up their marriage with an affair, but there are certainly exceptions. Individual factors that may increase the chance of infidelity include:. Addiction: Substance abuse issues, whether it"s addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or something else, are clear risk factors. Alcohol, in particular, can reduce inhibitions so that a person who wouldn't consider having an affair when sober, may cross the line. Previous Cheating: The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is more than an old wives tale.
A study was the first to evaluate the credibility of this saying. Personality Disorders and Psychological Issues: People who have strong narcissistic traits or personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder are more likely to cheat.
With narcissism, an affair may be driven by ego and a sense of entitlement. In addition to being self-centered, people with these disorders often lack empathy, so they don't appreciate the impact of their actions on their spouse. The particular psychological issues or personality traits that raise the risk of adultery in marriage may differ between the sexes.
In a study looking at personality traits, women who ranked high in "neuroticism" and men who ranked higher in " narcissism " were more likely to cheat. Some attachment styles , such as attachment avoidance or attachment insecurity, as well as intimacy disorders have also been looked at in relationship to a propensity to cheat. Poor self-esteem and insecurity can also raise the risk of an affair as a way to prove worthiness.
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Mental Illness : Some mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder are a risk factor for cheating in marriage. Childhood Issues: Having a history of childhood trauma such as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect is associated with a higher chance that a person will cheat if he or she has not addressed the trauma and has unresolved issues. Exposure to infidelity in childhood can also increase the risk of infidelity. A review found that children who are exposed to a parent having an affair are twice as likely to have an affair themselves.
Sex Addiction: Certainly, sex addiction in one partner increases the chance that they will be unsatisfied with the physical aspect of their marriage and look elsewhere. Problems in the marital relationship can also be a risk factor for cheating. Some of these include:. With or without individual or marital risk factors there are a number of possible reasons for marital infidelity.
Underlying many of the reasons, however, lie a few threads. One is the role of unmet needs. One partner may be incapable of fulfilling their partner's needs, but far too often, those needs have not been expressed. Marital partners are not mind readers. Another is the lack of addressing problems directly. Marriage is work, and without mutual nurturing couples may grow apart. A sexless marriage is often claimed as a reason by both men and women.
Feeling Unappreciated: Feeling unvalued or neglected can lead to infidelity in both sexes, but is more common in women.
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When both partners work, women still often carry the brunt of the work when it comes to caring for the home and children. In this situation, the affair validates the person's sense of worthiness. On the flip side of this, however, is that feeling neglected may be related to unrealistic expectations of a partner rather than true neglect. Lack of Commitment: Everything else aside, a study found that people who are less committed to their relationship are more likely to cheat.
Boredom: As noted, boredom can lead to an affair in both men and women who are looking for the thrill of the chase and the excitement and passion associated with newfound love. Some people claim that, rather than looking for a substitute for their partner, their fling is a way to spice up their marriage.
Falling out of love is also frequently cited as a reason for cheating, but maybe a lack of understanding of the normal maturing of love in marriage. Revenge: If one partner has had an affair or has damaged the partner in some way, the offended partner may feel a need for revenge resulting in an affair. In addition to the primary reasons for cheating noted above, there are secondary reasons that may lead to an affair.
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The Internet: Having an affair, especially an emotional affair , is much easier than in past, and social media sites have been implicated in many affairs and divorces. Internet infidelity or "online cheating" is still cheating, even if the two people never met face to face. Unfortunately, pornography has become much more accessible to the internet. Opportunity: Periods of absence, whether traveling for work or serving in the military provide greater opportunity for an affair to occur. Not only do these absences allow a spouse to have an affair with little risk of being discovered, but the absence may lead to the loneliness and resentment often cited as reasons.
While a long-distance marriage is not ideal, there are ways to keep your marriage strong when apart. Poor Boundaries: Poor personal boundaries , or the limits we place on other people as to what we find acceptable or unacceptable, can also increase the chance that an affair will occur. People who find it hard to say no being overly compliant or "people pleasers" may find themselves in an affair even if it wasn't what they desired in the first place.
Sometimes people have a suspicion that their spouse is cheating but don't have any solid evidence.
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While often the best approach in marriage is to be direct, you may wonder if it will cause more damage to ask directly. And, of course, the answer your spouse gives could either be the truth or a lie. The best approach will vary for different couples, but if you're concerned, it may be a good idea to look for some of the signs. In some marriages, an affair is a cry for help, a way to force the couple to finally face the problems that both parties are aware of but aren't addressing.
In this case, the partner often actually tries to get caught as a way of bringing the issue to the fore. Other times a partner may simply see infidelity as an exit strategy—a way to end an unhappy marriage. Regardless of the underlying reason a spouse cheats, it can either devastate a marriage or be the catalyst for rebuilding it, depending upon how the infidelity is dealt with. If you were the one cheated on, it's critical to realize that you're not responsible for your spouse making the decision to cheat. You are not to blame for his or her behavior.
9 Things to Do If Your Wife Is Cheating
You may, however, want to explore how the dynamics between you and your spouse led you to this point. Recognizing that infidelity is a symptom of deeper issues can lead a couple to fix the underlying problems in their relationship and grow closer. Women tend to find emotional affairs more threatening than sexual affairs, whereas men are more willing to forgive emotional affairs but for both, the most common response to learning of their partner's affair is jealousy.
Even if you were the one wronged, working with a professional may be helpful in coping and recovering yourself. Unresolved jealousy can lead to resentment, and as the old adage claims: "Resentment is like poison you drink yourself, and then wait for the other person to die. Some couples can move past infidelity and move on to have even an even better relationship, whereas some cannot. Certainly, there are times when continuing the marriage wouldn't be recommended. Before you analyze the specifics of the affair from your spouse's perspective and look at why the affair occurred in terms of his or her needs, it's important to look at your own needs.
This can be more challenging than it sounds, especially amidst the jealousy and anger. If you were the one who had an affair, there are several steps you can take if you hope to save your marriage. Here's how to spot whether your woman has a bit on the side. Men and women tend to two-time for different reasons: research suggests that the majority of men stray in search of get-the-job-done sex , whereas women want their sizzle with a side of emotional connection.
Is it, therefore, easier to spot when a woman is cheating simply by analysing her behaviour in your own relationship? Here are the types to watch out for:. Some women will go in a relationship with the expectation that you are equipped and willing to meet her every whim. Maybe she'll set you up to fail, maybe she's just pushing her luck, maybe she pins all her hopes and dreams on one person and feels justified in taking her wild expectations elsewhere when you inevitably fail to meet her demands. P erhaps she hasn't even asked you for what she really wants because she's worried about what you'll think, or because she struggles to see you as the father of her kids and the guy who gets super dirty with her.
Her primary partner cannot or will not satisfy her, so she goes somewhere else. T his chronic honeymooner craves the emotional excitement that comes with discovering, desiring, and seducing a new partner. Women with a fickle sense of self-esteem can seek evidence of their worth in the romantic advances of other men, rather than gleaning validation in a meaningful way in their existing relationship. They want to break up but are too scared to be the bad guy, bite the bullet and dump you.
Or maybe they are scared of being alone and want to audition your replacement beforehand.
But seriously, at some point you'll be ready to answer the question: what part did I play in it? Ninety per cent of people who cheat believe that they are justified in doing so.
Reasons Why Married People Cheat
Are you stingy with emotional support? She may feel abandoned and isolated. Remember, intimacy is not just about sex, it's about non-physical connections, commitment and mutual emotional investment. Have you committed a betrayal that remains unresolved? She may seek revenge. Are you equal partners or does she feel exploited emotionally or practically?
I s she truly being distant, or have past experiences caused you to jump to the conclusion that people will inevitably hurt you?